This letter is an analysis of relationship principles and how they are affected by Biblical principles. It is based on study of gender psychology and real world observations along with what the Bible says and true judgement (i.e. what is right/wrong with marriage).

I start with the following premise: both men and women marry for selfish reasons; they do what they think is in their own best interests. The alternative premise is that two people marry because they love each other (by implication they must be marrying out of the best interests of the other person).

Why do men have relationships and marry?

Sex. Social/cultural expectations and conditioning. Things that his wife does better than him (perhaps cooking). Things that he doesn't want to do (e.g. ironing).

Why do women have relationships and marry?

Money, assets, position, power and security. Attraction (sexual/personality).

Modern women are far more independent than in previous times, and security is less of an issue. However, women in general still marry for the same reasons. So if these are the selfish reasons for relationship formation, there must be corresponding selfless relationships, i.e. those which correspond to the second commandment of Jesus; love your neighbour as yourself:

	To provide security. This is overridden by the commandment, "give up what you have and follow Jesus." In other words it is not possible to provide financial security and follow Jesus.
	To provide sex, but not to use it as a mechanism of control.

Let's look at relationship formation in more detail. A primary motivator for relationships on the male side is sex. Why? From an evolutionary perspective it is advantageous for a male to spread his genes as far as possible. Therefore the selfish thing for a male to do is to be as promiscuous as possible, in doing so perhaps leaving many women with a baby. It is therefore not in a selfish male's best interests to marry.

By contrast, it is in a selfish female's best interests to marry, because the legalities of marriage ensure that she is given security. This security is increased by having children. In fact for a selfish female, it is in her best interests to get married, have children, then get divorced and then get remarried to another man – in doing so, she gets the income of two men.

In the case where both men and women act purely selfishly, how does a selfish woman get a selfish man to marry her? With great difficulty, hence a huge and complex social ritual has developed to confuse and 'train' the selfish male. Effectively, relationships are organised so that women use various mechanisms (sex, 'being emotional', etc.) to control the actions of the male.

Jesus implies that adultery can be as simple as wanting to possess, own or control another person, which applies to both genders. Men want to own women to ensure that they can pass on their genes to the next generation. Women allow themselves to be 'owned', but market themselves as luxury designer items that require a huge amount of resources to upkeep. Therefore men become slaves to their desire to own women, and it is more accurate to say that women own men in relationships like these.

Matthew 5:28
But now I tell you: anyone who looks at a woman and wants to possess her is guilty of committing adultery with her in his heart.

Matthew 5:28 (for women)
But now I tell you: anyone who looks at a man and wants to possess him is guilty of committing adultery with him in her heart.

In other words, the sexual selection criteria of women drives people away from following Jesus, because men put money into things that demonstrate their money, power and assets. This continues before, during and after marriage.

Average prices in the UK: ring: £1,200; wedding: £16,000; house: £210,000. Men are encouraged by women to carry on spending money on what they want in order to keep them satisfied. Now imagine what would happen if the male in this relationship suddenly decided to follow Jesus. His wife will be absolutely against it. In other words, in this instance marriage is preventing people from following Jesus. Conversely if the female decided to follow Jesus and encouraged her husband to do the same, there would be less of a problem. Imagine if women selected men on the basis of their ability to follow Jesus – society would look completely different. This shows how much influence female selection criteria has on the shape of society.

Now let's look at how relationships are formed. The Church would have you believe that God brings people together. Ultimately He does in the sense of directing the shape of the Universe, but in 90% of cases it is women who initiate a relationship based on the criteria described above. So how does this happen? Various techniques are used, which can include eye contact, 'random behaviour' to confuse a man and cooperation between several female friends to help in the relationship formation process. The process is not straightforward for the male, who is required to 'perform' in the desired manner, and it can continue for a long time.

There are three reasons why marriage in modern society go against Jesus:

1. It stops men from following Jesus.
   
2. It causes money and productivity to be used in the wrong way.
   
3. It involves ownership and control over men.

The same was not true of relationships 2000 years ago. Oppression of women was common, and women had to obey men. However, men and women still married for much the same reasons as in modern times.

Would the same apply in New Jerusalem? That is an interesting question. Everyone in New Jerusalem would have security, so the requirements of women would already be met. Additionally, no men would have power, position, money or assets so women would not be able to apply these selection criteria. This would lead to one of the following outcomes:

1. No one would have relationships or marry.
   
2. People would marry, but much more honestly without the need for all the pretenses, and certainly no ownership/control involved.
   
3. No one would marry, but would still have relationships.

It will be interesting to see how relationships develop in New Jerusalem, because they will be nothing like the relationships in our culture.

These verses suggest that people don't marry in the age to come:

Luke 20:34-38
Jesus answered them, "The men and women of this age marry, but the men and women who are worthy to rise from death and live in the age to come will not then marry. They will be like angels and cannot die. They are the children of God, because they have risen from death. And Moses clearly proves that the dead are raised to life. In the passage about the burning bush he speaks of the Lord as 'the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob.' He is the God of the living, not of the dead, for to him all are alive."

Luke 16:16-17
"The Law of Moses and the writings of the prophets were in effect up to the time of John the Baptist; since then the Good News about the Kingdom of God is being told, and everyone forces their way in. But it is easier for heaven and earth to disappear than for the smallest detail of the Law to be done away with. Any man who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery; and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery."

Jesus helped Mary Magdalene who may have been a prostitute – clearly he had nothing against her prostitution. Additionally, he defended a woman accused of adultery in John 8:4-11:

"Teacher," they said to Jesus, "this woman was caught in the very act of committing adultery. In our Law Moses commanded that such a woman must be stoned to death. Now, what do you say?" They said this to trap Jesus, so that they could accuse him. But he bent over and wrote on the ground with his finger.
As they stood there asking him questions, he straightened himself up and said to them, "Whichever one of you has committed no sin may throw the first stone at her." Then he bent over again and wrote on the ground. When they heard this, they all left, one by one, the older ones first. Jesus was left alone, with the woman still standing there. He straightened himself up and said to her, "Where are they? Is there no one left to condemn you?"
"No one, sir," she answered.
"Well, then," Jesus said, "I do not condemn you either. Go, but do not sin again."

So why did he specifically write twice on the ground? There are two sexual references on the Earth, both relating to the whore of Babylon. There is the whore herself, and then there is a 666 mile long penis stuck into Mexico (proving that she is a whore).

  

Jesus is quoted as saying that adultery and immorality are sinful. However, the Holy Spirit is using 666 and the whore of Babylon to indicate that Pauline theology is responsible for these New Testament teachings (the whore of Babylon is a representation of Paul as described here). In John 14:26, Jesus said that the Holy Spirit would help us remember what he taught us. This is happening now, but at the time it would have been Satan that 'helped' people remember. This suggests that the Gospel eyewitness accounts cannot be used as reliable evidence in some cases, making it even more important to judge by true standards.

Applying true standards to sex: 1. Sex makes people happy (and therefore comes under the category of loving your neighbour as yourself). 2. If two people have sex in the UK, no one in the third world is oppressed by it. It causes no suffering. The exception is where it passes on a sexually transmitted disease. However, I do not believe that such diseases are punishment for 'immorality' any more than malaria is punishment for living in Africa. I have not yet tried spiritual healing with anyone, however faith in Jesus (not Paul) should heal people. I invite people to try it – I believe that we can only be healed if we are following Jesus (i.e. doing what he says, which requires faith). People who are extremely poor may have faith by default, because they already rely on God to provide means of survival. People need someone else to heal them in the name of Jesus.

This relationship culture would work in the context of following Jesus on the understanding that:

1. People don't treat those with whom they have sexual relationships any differently to anyone else; ideally everyone would be friends and would be there to help and serve others.

2. That women do not use sex to get more service or attention from men or use sex to get what they want (this is what many present day women do) – relationships would have to be completely free. Clearly both men and women could choose whether or not to have sexual relationships.

3. That no one tries to possess anyone else, although people could be very good friends. The culture of marriage in present day society means that friendships between people are actually quite limited because everyone worries that their husband or wife might have an affair.

Finally, it should be noted that immorality and immortality are very similar words, suggesting that sexual serving is an ideal way to love your neighbour as yourself.